So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
