we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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