It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
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my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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