yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
