Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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