I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize