i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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