TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
