Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
