My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
