I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize