I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
