FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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