the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
