Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
