Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
