Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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