i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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