Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
