We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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