Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
