That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
