Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Can you bring me the toilet please
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
