3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
