check it out our google latitudes are spooning
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
