I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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