his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
