How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
