Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
...so i touched it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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