Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
