so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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