1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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