Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
