You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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