You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
