mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize