Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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