I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
