I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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