Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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