and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize