My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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