and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
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I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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