I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
