I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
