entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
