Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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