I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
