you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
