Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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