It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.