Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.