Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.