actually, I'm a sock model
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.