I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?