I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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