I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
