how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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