It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
