Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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