I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
