He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
