JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
