This show inspires me to have sex in space
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm like, not good at living.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
