a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
