hotel room ftw
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
