Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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