I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
