i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
