i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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