God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
