I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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