Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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