end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
