All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
