she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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