dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
