Screwed.edu
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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