A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
