Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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