I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
