I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I supernannyed him into submission
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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