We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
