she woke up with a sticky ear
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
