The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
