nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
