I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
