mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i came on her dog
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
